![]() ![]() So many wild stories floated around about shootings, robberies and everything else that we never knew what to believe still, every tale seemed reasonable because there were no cops to be seen. So many gangbangers and troublemakers flooded the Strip that late-night gamblers willingly chose 75-minute cab lines over a 15-minute walk to their next casino. Unfortunately, the stifling gridlock made it impossible to hit multiple events in one night unless you could afford a limo or helicopter (or were robbing someone who could afford a limo or helicopter). So many parties happened that it was impossible to keep track of everything. There were so many big-time celebrities in town, a rumored Michael Jackson cameo came and went without a single shrug. ![]() There was gambling and partying and Vegas and basketball - four of my favorite things - with a fashion convention and Chinese New Year happening as well, which meant Vegas was throwing three blockbuster weekends at once. The original text of the previous sentence looked like this: "Wrhrhrh jdkdlehj fgfjslelfhfhf sgfhgfkdldhjsd fjg agshshsk ahdjdkdksh Contact High." You can't blame the groggy players for shattering the record of "Most Botched Alley-Oop Passes in a Single Exhibition Game." They were still battling a severe retroactive contact high. After four nights of what will eventually be remembered as the Hip-Hop Woodstock, the atrociously sloppy NBA All-Star Game made complete sense. That's what downtown Las Vegas smelled like on Sunday night. LAS VEGAS - Remember those parties in college when a drunk guy inadvertently kicked over the host's bong and spilled bong water onto the rug, only he never cleaned up the resulting mess, so the skunky water festered while the host of the party was passed out? And then, the following morning, the host awakened to a room that smelled like a cross between a stale bong and the seventh circle of hell? And if you planned on reading it in the bathroom, please know that is not responsible for any hemorrhoids that happened because you sat on the bowl too long. Do yourself a favor and print it out, then read it when you have 20 minutes to kill. Important note: This column is extremely long, even for a Simmons column. ![]()
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